june 26:

well hey there.  worked a full 7 days i think,,,, still working as a receptionist,,,but now i also work as a cashier at Canadian tire…… money honey! its tiring though…. and lots of driving to and from….but its good i like it….

still learning the ropes,,,,which has been good,.,,,seen a few people i recognized here and there….that is one aspect i like about it,,,,is seeing all the people…..

anyways i guess ill give up on trying to find a relationship ,,,, jeez…. life really sucks in that department of my life…but at least i got my kids and family…. their dad has still been around,,,, so im glad he’s been around to help with the cleaning and whatever,,,, but we are NOT BACK TOGETHER…. i tried asking him to cuddle….i got refused,,, awnsaa,,,,,

oh jeez i miss talking to Jase too …. oh well i cant control what happens there,,,,

besides that,,,its just been work, work, work, and trying to keep my bills paid,,, i spent kind of foolishly this past child tax benefit ,,,, i was supposed to pay my 542. hydro bill… and my phone and internet,,,, jeez…..

my right lung hurts when i cough ,,, damn does it ever hurt…im almost considering to quit smoking,,,, fuk

i smoke to be social jeez,,,, ffs… lol

oh well enough of me for one day,,,,, have a good whatever!!!!!!

 

staaaaaaaaaah

well yeah i get lonely somedays….

then other days i have friends who want to be my boyfriends,,,, then i get all confused because i have to ask myself is this what i really want?

i just got out of a 19 year relationship! i used to get so mad at JR because i wanted my freedom to go out and do stuff that didnt include him,,,,awnsaaa

i told my little buddy that i told myself id stay single for a year just to figure out who i am as a person and to heal from all the pain and BS from my previous relationship…..

he says he keeps thinking about me,,,, WTF? lol i dont know i find it weird lol…..its nice but jeez….

theres there was another guy who who keep teasing me about muzh,,,, staaaah ,,,, stays he wanted to look at me again,,,, shkint,,,,

im not going to rush into anything with anybody jeez….. ill be your friend man…. thats about it,,,,

i have kids to look after,,,, first and foremost….

then i got work to do to provide for my kids….

i gotta continue on with my healing,,,,,

 

june 20, 2017

hey knet folks. well there are days i dont like being single other days im okay. but days like today i miss having a partner….. waiting on him wherever he may be …. jeez all the radio plays is music about love and such too ,,,jeez… oh well i’ll be okay…

may be im just missing my conversations with jase too,…. yep i get sad when we dont talk too biscuit…. there are others guys that have been trying to be my friend in hopes that i might want to go with them… but im not buying what they are trying to put out,,,,

why does it seem to be so difficult to find someone i like :(

jeez i just want to cry sometimes but what for?

just hanging on by a moment …. here by myself ….. hoping for someone or something …. but i guess ill have to find that myself,,,, jeez ,,, just concentrate on work i guess,,,, people keep telling me to concentrate on my kids,….. i feel like we are living out our own lives too,,,,you know the sad truth of the matter is that i told albert i would probably end up alone,,,,, here i am ,,,,ALONE

have a good day knet folks…..

“I’m Not Okay (I Promise)”

[Spoken music video introduction:]
[Ray]
You like D&D, Audrey Hepburn, Fangoria, Harry Houdini and croquet. You can’t swim, you can’t dance and you don’t know karate. Face it, you’re never gonna make it.
[Gerard]
I don’t wanna make it, I just wanna…Well if you wanted honesty, that’s all you had to say.
I never want to let you down or have you go, it’s better off this way.
For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?I’m not okay
I’m not okay
I’m not okay
You wear me out

What will it take to show you that it’s not the life it seems?
(I’m not okay)
I’ve told you time and time again you sing the words but don’t know what it means
(I’m not okay)
To be a joke and look, another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!

I’m not okay
I’m not okay
I’m not okay
You wear me out

Forget about the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
You said you read me like a book, but the pages all are torn and frayed

I’m okay
I’m okay!
I’m okay, now
(I’m okay, now)

But you really need to listen to me
Because I’m telling you the truth
I mean this, I’m okay!
(Trust Me)

I’m not okay
I’m not okay
Well, I’m not okay
I’m not o-fucking-kay

I’m not okay
I’m not okay
(Okay)

june 16:

yesterday was my daughters 15th birthday….. Ayana Eden Keesick Kokokopenace you are growing into a beautiful young lady.

Im so proud of you and your brothers,,, you make my life worth so much more…. I only wish there were more i could offer you

but i have to let you live,,, i have to let you learn to figure out life for yourself…. I have to let you learn how to over come life’s challenges on your own my dear daughter…. though i will always be here to support you and encourage you…. on your own journey in life ,,, you will always be part of me wherever life may leads us,,,,

Im so proud of the young woman you are becoming my girl….

dont ever let anyone ever dim your shine…. if they do….ill kick their butt….jk love you Ayana!!!!!

June 13

i am sitting here with my niece cielle

I’ve been sick with fevers off n on for 5 days

sucks to be sick in the summer or anytime I guess

i got a job at cdn tire part time

its breezy outside they said another storm is supposed to be coming? May be tonight?

im a board member of the lake of the woods district hospital

im happy. Lots to learn at the hospital and cdn tire.

anyways have a good day

may 31 2017

“The married guy who is “sleeping in separate beds” and “only staying together for the kids” could turn into the heart-wrenching scourge of your summer fun.”

think that guy is JR that idiot…. and its saying hes going to ruin my summer fun??? JEEZ!!!!

I hope not…. jeez so conflicted and confused about other people all the time…… oh well i guess ill just worry about me

i keep saying im just going to stay single and look after myself and figure out what i like and what i want…. so you look after you and your stuff

ill look after me and my stuff ,,,, OK???

anyways im at work today,,,, baseball tonight

ill probably need lots of practice…lol should be fun anyways,.,,,

have a good day

may 30 2017

i have leonard cohen playing in my head this morning

i heard albert get mad at his internet woman

it made me cringe and think jeez i remember those times

i dont want them back staaaaah

not my cup of tea having to see that crap

anyways i still got people hitting me up

 

Thx For tha Love!