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Oct 11, 2018

Well I hope I can get ahead in bills somehow… :/
I finished paying the rent for October
Ive been in living in kenora a year now yay
I bought my place a good frying pan from Walmart this morning
Bought some used clothing for my growing son Chavez
I signed up at 7 generations for adult education
I made a payment on my credit card
I would love to shovel some snow but someone just said it might all melt again
But you can never believe what people on say on Facebook too lol
Anyways just needed to express myself and say I am happy to be paying the bills where I can… rent is a must! Have a wonderful day Knet peoples

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Oh jeez eh

Start digging around what you gonna find carolyn
Alberts court papers with every legal detail of his assault on my child
He’s a bad man :(
I also found last years Christmas card that he kept from his lover fawn
Why do u do this to yourself carolyn???
For fuk sakes
The torment and anger and frustration is right there in your face

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Alien female wretchess stole my husband

Lol jus kidding I’m not even married

Just watching justice league with my son Chavez
Weird but I’m happy to be home with him
He’s my little everything that I want in a person
He’s my little super hero with super powers over my heart n mind

Oh my glob I’m just talking about anything

but I need to clear my thoughts

and be with my kid

he‘s Taking a sick day

he was throwing up earlier

i was telling Albert I don’t know what so many people don’t like me lol

i guess I rub people the wrong way

dont hate me because you ain’t me… lol just cheap

 

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Jeez

I wish I had the answer to solve these feelings and thoughts of insufficiency. I feel like I’m not good enough for those people. They just make me feel bad about myself. Jeez. I guess I should just remove myself from the situation.

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Entry my entry

Sept 30:

 

I’m really trying not to be a dumb ass here jeez

Already spending money that should go to my rent jeez

 

Jeez

 

No such fucking lick or luck for fuck sakes

Tried asking Waawaate why north bay … just for a road trip I guess….

Grrrr fucking gambling I wonder why I’m so terrible at it???

Jeez me!!!

 

I miss jase but why? So he can bytch n complain at me,,, bleh

Oh well stop it carolyn

Enjoy Waawaate and Vern’s company

 

No al nolan either,,,, fricken Sudbury downs reminds me auswitz

That German concentration camp staaaah

 

Shytty… I wonder what part of town Al and his fk buddy live at.

Watching them be so affectionate and loving…. jeez I wish I had that.

 

Omg the roads here are crap. Staaaah

 

Old hwy 144. Huh. Oh jeez I should just go to sleep. Lol.

I’m thinking if I’m not going to be for jase. I guess I’ll be for myself and bezh then. Jase you disappointed me. All the sweet words seem so far away and distant just like you.

 

I’m My hurt in my heart is still present and very much there.

It’s nice to get away and see the beautiful scenery that the landscape has to offer.

 

I feel like I’m still struggling :(

 

God why am I finding it so difficult to be happy with myself?

 

People say to pray. Jesus I’m sorry for being so ungrateful. I’m sorry that I am hard of hearing. There are time I wish I could hear more clearly.

Look at all those power lines. I miss my bezh.

Why did I have to suggest the casino?

 

 

 

They use maps a lot on their trip. Well it’s a great resource to have when traveling I guess.

It’s Sunday now. Wow I’m feeling a bit lonely. Wow this place feels so alien. Okay I think I remember this area.

Wow it’s been 10 years since I attended the iris treatment program

 

I could never live here. Omg it’s chapters

 

My daughter completely dropped Brendan.. wow.

 

I did message al anyways.

 

He wasn’t online.

I wish I knew why my daughter became so miserable about Brendan. Oh well. It can’t be the same thing why I’m miserable bout jase. Howah. Waawaate just asked if I want to go to Toronto. Lol. Wow.

 

Jase baby. I’m in Toronto! Lol as if. Beatrice!!! Bea! I’m coming to Toronto. Marcia I’m coming to to Toronto. Lol howah. Sorry al. I guess I’ll see u later.

 

Woohoo baby! Male strippers!!!

 

Howah!!!! I don’t even want to think or entertain the idea of seeing jase. I don’t want to disappoint myself. :(

 

Aww. The disappointment of you and all the empty hopes and dreams of us. For fuck sakes. Still makes me upset. Jeez you jase.

 

Staaaah was that Waawaate’s plan the whole time?

 

Go to Toronto? Yeah sure. Why the fuck not.

Fucking guy is making me laugh hard…. lol

 

Staaaah. Getting all crazy about poonch….

Lol

 

Omg I can’t believe we are going to Toronto. Staaaah. I’m happy. Oops.

I keep reminding myself that jase doesn’t want to see you carolyn!

 

But I’m going to have fun anyways.

 

Fuk yeah.

 

I don’t know how my sister does it. I’m losing badly fuck sakes.

 

Ever weird those two. We pull up at best western and they walk off into a trail behind the hotel???? Wtf are they doing???? 5:47pm

 

Staaaah.

 

And they are back??? Hmmm oh well eh.

 

Oh ,,, Waawaate tried to pick up his charger with no success.

I guess he will try again tomorrow.

 

Holy wowsers. Fukin traffic is moving fast and Vern is driving fast too.

8:59pm now. I just downed my third cooler. Less than a cpl hours to Toronto. Eeeeee.

 

Ahhh I felt the love. Heh heh. Waawaate was playing Bon jovi. Someday I’ll be Saturday night. Bad medicine. I’ll be there for you. It’s my life. Awww. My best friend.

 

Fuk I’m so glad I came along. Nice break from my life at home.

 

10:16pm holy jeez I’m in Toronto…. Vern is doing great at driving. Wow.

It’s raining out. I’d be scared AF. I’m nervous just being a passenger. Lol.

 

Yep it looks like Toronto out there. Heh heh.

Just hanging on for dear life … lol. Jeez.

 

October 1: I’m so tired. Dehydrated and sick.

My problems are still waiting at home for me. :(

 

I’m looking at all the people and places as we drive out of Toronto. I am wondering how this is going to work. It must cost lots to own a house in Toronto.

 

1:11pm: well ate poutine and a Caesar salad at the pickle barrel

 

Waawaate had French toast and Vern had scrambled eggs and bacon

 

We are leaving Toronto

 

Well Toronto it’s been fun

 

Time to go home back to the family and job

 

Yorkdale mall is a nice place with white tall walls and very expensive looking retail stores.

 

It was nice to meet Waawaate’s friend Jeremy from six nations

Very nice Mohawk. All the people that Waawaate introduced me to have always been nice.

 

Strange. I dreamt of crews and tangos recently. Last night I was actually there with Waawaate, Vern, and Jeremy.

I Guess my dreams still do tell me things.

Jeez I’m tired, but I can’t sleep.

 

Thanks for stopping bye!!!!!

 

 

 

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Just fuming over the my situation

it’s not fair to him

its not fair to me

fuck I’m hurt yet I’m angry and disappointed

so just drop the anger hurt and disappointment and let it go

Love yourself carolyn

stop thinking you will be happier with him in your life because your not

I guess I was just someone for his own amusement

Yep I don’t want to feel like this anymore ill never do this again

“watch wait and see I’ll end up alone”

and here I am alone AF

But oh well I guess…. people are disappointing

 

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9-26-18

just wanted to come say hello to all my obey fans,,, lol

have a wonderful day

thanks for stopping by

jasen robi I love you but where r u? If u love me???

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Amazing song and perception

 

 

 

https://youtu.be/eTWGgXvJZl0

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Hi there

 

Im so tired lol

graveyard shift is is almost done

3FACA8C2-FEAB-4C49-A038-110EE986150A

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